some say i’m a rich kid. THE HELL I CARE!

i’ve been surprising myself with the things i say and the thoughts that come into my mind lately. i don’t usually cuss or anything. i usually scold people who do it. i don’t usually think of myself causing all the chaos in the world. i don’t usually hate. i don’t even know what I hate. i just have this feeling of hate. i don’t usually hear voices telling me to do bad things that I try to ignore. i don’t usually have screaming in my head. grRr! i’ve been crying my heart out for the past three weeks. what the hell is wrong with me?! the hell! i’m not supposed to say that word again. i keep on thinking about ate tin’s diagnose of this sickness. she said i had compassion fatigue where i become tired of giving advice and help to everyone around me, and long for some attention. that’s why i’ve been crying, because i loved the attention i get when i cry. but i know it’s wrong.

well, i’ve diagnosed myself and i think,

i’ve broken my own heart.

and there’s no one else to blame for it than me. i didn’t know that blaming everything on myself and criticizing myself too much would crush my heart. i’m sick. aside from that, i really, really miss adelfa right now.

this is sick. really sick. help. something tells me that if my heart doesn't get fixed before summer vacation, my whole self will be broken. :S

*sighs as she feels a teardrop sliding down her cheek.

i'm really tired...