i'm sorry i slammed the door

i have just read my friend's blog whose latest post was about two of her friends, tricia and me.

she posted it because we were sort of drifting apart. ok not sort of. i was jealous of tricia because i felt that marianne was giving tricia more of her time and attention.

it all started when i played volleyball with some of my friends leaving her behind. i forgot to tell her. while i was playing, i saw her with tricia, strolling. i thought it was ok. she(marianne) has the right to make friends with other people. it was still ok with me then.

the next day i went to marianne to chat with her, as usual. but then tricia came and, during that time it was how i saw it, took marianne away from me. i decided to leave them alone thinking marianne doesn't need me. i sort of hated tricia for that.

i have to admit, it was my fault.

i've given it a thought and i made my decision. i would just keep a distance from her(marianne) just so my pet, the green-eyed monster, wouldn't hurt her or tricia.

as a friend, i wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, i wanted her to be happy with me. i forced myself to keep my angry butt out of their friendship. i would just ruin it.

but marianne didn't want this to happen. she wanted to find a way to compromise. i thought that there was no other way to make her happy than leaving her with tricia when all the while i wasn't really making her happy. i was disappointing her.

and then things started becoming better because i started hanging out with tricia. she wasn't as bad as i thought she was. she was fun to be with.

this was what marianne really wanted. this was also what i wanted. i owe it all to her for opening my eyes.

i had grown too comfortable with marianne that i never wanted a moment not to be with her. i wanted her all to myself. she opened my eyes to the possibility of a friend in other people.

i guess i judge people too much. i hardly know them at all. i guess i've closed the door too hard.